Shades of love
Ever wondered why we always end up in the same kind of relationships? Or why is it that you get attracted to the kind of people you do? Well, perhaps each of us has a specific love style. Research in the past has suggested that there are six major love styles: Eros (passion), Ludus (game-playing), Storge (friendship), Pragma (practical), Mania (obsession), and Agape (altruistic). Most people usually have one dominant love style, while exhibiting minor characteristics from the rest.
Actress Nauheed Cyrusi believes she is an altruistic and practical lover. People who are most likely to agree with statements such as ‘I would rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer’ and ‘I’m usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my partner achieve his/hers’ are most likely to be altruistic lovers. This love style is selfless and extremely giving; it is also the rarest of love styles. Filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt reflects about altruistic love. “Altruistic love is a questionable concept; it is more spiritual in nature. I do not believe altruistic love exists between people, all relationships are based on mutual give and take,” he says.
Cyrusi plumbs into her own psyche about her experience with obsessive love. “I have experienced manic and obsessive type of love, which is extremely dangerous and I’m sure I’d never want to go back there again,” she recalls, continuing, “When a relationship reaches a stage where different terms can be used to define your love, you know it is extremely comfortable and secure.”
The Manic lover is in constant need of re-assurance and is characterised by possessiveness and dependence. Manic lovers are most likely to agree with statements like ‘Since I have been in love with my partner, I have had trouble concentrating on anything else.’
Celina Jaitley believes that “Love is just love, it is unexplainable and there are no rules to it. Lovers don’t find each other they always were a part of each other. Love is a combination of all the above mentioned styles of love - love is just mind blowing.” Bhatt however, adds, “Love is like the seven colours of the rainbow, you need to see all of them for it to be a rainbow and similarly you need to experience all these shades to experience love. However, since we as human beings have a predisposition for obsessive-manic and intense passionate lovers I believe I am a passionate/ obsessive lover more than any other style of love,” says Mahesh Bhatt.
Pooja Bedi believes friendship and passion are the most important components of romantic love. Eros (passionate) love is characterised by passionate and powerful emotions which are often sexual. It is usually enthusiastic, fiery and spirited. Eros lovers believe that their partners were attracted to each other immediately after they first met. “I have an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desirable and therefore for me passion in the most integral part of a relationship,” says Pooja. I have always been best friends with my partner because I believe friendship is the route to love.”
Storge (friendship) lovers are usually best friends. This love style embraces companionship, commitment and closeness. When people find it easy to get over a past lover, or are afraid of dependency and excessive attachment, they are Ludus lovers. Ludus love is naughty and playful, it is also usually commitment phobic.
Lastly, people who tend to plan their lives in a very specific manner and choose their partner to match their financial and social backgrounds are probably dominant pragma (practical) lovers. Pragma love is usually seen as a practical love style which is driven by a practical attitude. They usually use practical means of choosing their partners such as identifying financial and social similarities. The pragma lover is also most likely to use a dating service. In lay man’s terms, this is the kind of criterion one would encounter during arranged marriage procedures.
Most people experience all these styles of love at some point in their lives. However, there is usually a dominant love style for everyone, which is most apparent and repeated in every type of relationship. But, then again, different relationships bring out different shades of love, and perhaps your perfect ‘love style’ is out there, waiting to happen!
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