WORST DATE EVER: A SURVIVOR'S TALE

WORST DATE EVER: A SURVIVOR'S TALE

ALBANY, N.Y. — On their first date — the worst date of his future wife's life — Jason Raylinsky wore a wife-beater T-shirt with dirty jeans.

  And then things got worse.

  Jay, as his friends call him, knew within five minutes of meeting Lauren she was the One, so he thought it best to tell her the most unflattering things about himself. That way she wouldn't hear about them from somebody else.

  ``I wanted to do everything right I could with this girl,'' he said.


  Jay's concept of doing everything right: Over dinner, at a sports bar in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., he told Lauren he'd had a one-night stand with the woman who'd introduced them.

  ``I could tell she wasn't too impressed with that,'' said Jay, an electrician.

  He told her about his DWI conviction and that he lived in his father and stepmother's house. Jay was 28.

  He got drunk. Really, really drunk, on tequila shots chased with Captain Morgan and 7-Ups (he was nervous, and because he hadn't had a drop of alcohol in months, his tolerance had dropped). After dinner, they visited another bar, and then another, where he nearly vomited.

  Lauren, then 22, drove Jason home after that.

  He asked Lauren if she'd like to come in.

  Sure, why not, she said. She did enjoy talking to him.

  ``I've got to hide some things,'' he said, and then left for a moment.

  He couldn't hide how unkempt his room was. The ashtrays looked as if they'd been attacked by cigarette-butt missiles, the fallout everywhere. Empty Ben & Jerry's cartons, a chili-caked bowl and clothing littered the room.

  Lauren surveyed this scene, then had to go. She was meeting a friend. But first, they kissed — if you consider an inebriated guy extending his tongue a kiss.

  ``It was kind of that awkward do-I-or-don't-I moment, and we both just went for it,'' said Lauren, a nursing student who also tends bar in Schenectady, N.Y.

  ``It was the worst kiss ever,'' she added. ``It was so bad I started laughing in the middle of it.''

  Which prompted Jay to plead, ``Wait, I can do better.''

  The date ``was terrible,'' Lauren said. ``But he was funny and honest and we did have a good time, at times.''

  After Jay woke the next morning, he feared he'd blown it. He'd met a funny, kindhearted, outgoing, attractive-yet-modest blonde for whom he'd fallen hard — and given her every reason not to see him again.

  They shared a similar sense of humor, though, so he sent her a text message that read ``So you're impressed, huh?''

  She thought that funny.

  Accompanied by their respective friends, they met again that night, and many nights thereafter. Despite doing everything wrong, everything turned out right: Nine months later, they were engaged and living together. The Glenville, N.Y., couple married 19 months ago and have an 8-month-old daughter, Chloe.

  It all started with Lauren's worst date. None compared. And you know what?

  ``I wouldn't change anything,'' she said.

Short Funny Stories : The Color of Friendship

The Color of Friendship

 

Once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel: all claimed that they were the best, the most important, the most useful, the favorite.
GREEN said: “Clearly I am the most important. I am the sign of life and of hope. I was chosen for grass, trees, leaves - without me, all animals would die. Look over the countryside and you will see that I am in the majority.”

BLUE interrupted: “You only think about the earth, but consider the sky and the sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and, drawn up by the clouds, forms the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing.”

YELLOW chuckled: “You are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, the stars are yellow. Every time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me there would be no fun.”

ORANGE started next to blow her trumpet: “I am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce, but I am precious for I serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. Think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, mangoes, and pawpaws. I don’t hang around all the time, but when I fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you.”

RED could stand it no longer. He shouted out: “I am the ruler of all of you - I am blood - life’s blood! I am the color of danger and of bravery. I am willing to fight for a cause. I bring fire into the blood. Without me, the earth would be empty as the moon. I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy.”

PURPLE rose up to his full height. He was very tall and spoke with great pomp: “I am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me for I am the sign of authority and wisdom. People do not question me - they listen and obey.”

Finally, INDIGO spoke, much more quietly than all the others, but with just as much determination: “Think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial. I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace.”

And so the colors went on boasting, each convinced of his or her own superiority. Their quarreling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightening - thunder rolled and boomed. Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colors crouched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort.

In the midst of the clamor, rain began to speak: ” You foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest. Don’t you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me.”

Doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands. The rain continued: “From now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of color as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The RAINBOW is a sign of hope for tomorrow.”

And so, whenever a good rain washes the world, and a rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another.

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